Why Slowing Down Doesn’t Always Make You Feel Better

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You’ve been looking forward to this.

A quieter week. A few days off. Fewer school runs, fewer deadlines, fewer places you absolutely have to be.

So why, when life finally slows down, does your mind sometimes seem to get busier?

You’re making mental lists. Thinking about September. Remembering things you haven’t done. Replaying something somebody said three days ago. Planning jobs that really don’t need planning yet.

And then, just to add insult to injury, you start thinking:

“Why can’t I just switch off and enjoy this?”

If that sounds familiar, there’s something important to understand:

Having less to do and having less going on in your head are not the same thing.

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Your diary can slow down before your thinking does

Most of us are very good at responding to what’s immediately in front of us.

School run. Work. Appointments. Tea. Clubs. Emails. Laundry. Somebody needs new shoes. Somebody else has apparently lost the water bottle you bought four days ago.

When life is full, your attention is constantly being pulled towards the next thing.

Then the pace changes.

And suddenly there’s more room to notice everything your mind has been carrying around in the background.

That doesn’t necessarily mean something has gone wrong.

It may simply mean you’re now noticing your thinking more.

The problem comes when we assume that every thought requires our attention.

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Thinking can feel surprisingly productive

One reason overthinking is so easy to get caught in is that it often feels as though we’re doing something useful.

We analyse.

We predict.

We rehearse conversations.

We mentally prepare for every possible outcome.

We go back over decisions to make sure we made the right one.

It feels active. Responsible, even.

But there’s an important difference between thinking about a problem and actually solving one.

Imagine you’ve sent an email and you’re worried about how it might be received.

Useful thinking might sound like:

“Is there anything I need to do about this?”

If the answer is yes, you decide what that action is.

If the answer is no, there probably comes a point where reading the email again, imagining different responses and analysing every sentence stops being problem-solving.

You’re thinking more.

But you’re not actually gaining any more control.

That’s what I call the difference between useful thinking and busy thinking.

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We can accidentally turn slowing down into another job

There’s another little trap here.

We decide we should be making the most of our time off.

We should be relaxing.

We should be doing nice things with the children.

We should be enjoying the weather.

We should be catching up with people.

We should be sorting the house while we finally have a bit more time.

Suddenly even your supposedly easier week has a performance review.

And if you don’t feel particularly relaxed, productive, grateful or full of summer joy?

Now you’ve got something else to worry about.

You’re not doing your downtime properly.

There’s quite a lot of pressure hiding inside the word should.

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Permission to slow down doesn’t mean doing nothing

This is why my theme for August is Permission to Slow Down.

And I don’t mean abandoning all responsibility, lying on a sun lounger for four weeks and informing everybody that Abi from The Anxiety Specialist told you to do it.

Tempting though that may be.

I mean noticing the unnecessary demands you’ve quietly added to your day.

Ask yourself:

What actually matters today?

What am I treating as urgent that really isn’t?

What could be good enough rather than completely finished?

Sometimes making life feel more manageable isn’t about squeezing another relaxation technique into the day.

It’s about recognising where you’re creating pressure that doesn’t need to be there.

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Try this when you notice your mind getting busy

The next time you find yourself going round and round something, ask:

What am I trying to achieve by thinking about this?

Are you trying to:

• solve something?
• make a decision?
• prepare?
• prevent something going wrong?
• check?
• reassure yourself?

Then ask:

Can I do something useful with this thought right now?

If yes, choose the next action.

Send the message. Write the note. Make the decision. Put something in the diary.

If no, recognise what’s happening.

More thinking may feel like you’re gaining control, but it isn’t necessarily taking you anywhere.

You don’t have to force the thought away.

You can simply decide that it doesn’t need any more of your attention right now.

That distinction is a skill.

And like most psychological skills, it gets easier when you practise noticing it.

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You don’t need to stop thinking

This is one of the biggest misconceptions I come across.

People often tell me:

“I just need to stop overthinking.”

But trying to make yourself stop thinking usually gives you another battle to fight.

The aim isn’t an empty mind.

It’s understanding your thinking well enough to recognise when it’s helping you and when it’s keeping you stuck.

Because good mental health isn’t about never having difficult thoughts.

It’s about developing the skills to decide what you do with them.

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Want to try this for yourself?

I’ve put together a brand-new free guide for August called The Summer Recharge.

Inside, I’ll help you look at:

• why slowing down doesn’t necessarily make your mind feel quieter
• the difference between useful thinking and busy thinking
• where your mental energy might currently be going
• the unnecessary pressure you may have added to your day
• a simple seven-day experiment you can try for yourself

[Download The Summer Recharge free here]

And if you read it and find yourself thinking:

“Actually… this isn’t just something I do in summer.”

That’s exactly the kind of pattern I explore in Spiral to Control.

Because once you understand why your mind keeps doing what it’s doing, you’re in a much stronger position to start changing it.

You don’t always need to try harder. Sometimes you need to understand what you’re doing differently.